what if: I pushed through my Danger Zone?

Yesterday Christine over at BlissChick wrote a phenomenal post about her relationship with her body and her gluten intolerance, in which she discussed how she feels a zillion times better when she doesn’t eat gluten – even though she loves gluten [who doesn't???]. Anywho, she merrily existed for a month or so, gluten free, when she entered her DANGER ZONE – “also known as The Land of Forgetting” – and I swear I laughed out loud, scaring myself and nearly falling off the couch. For Christine, the Danger Zone was that period of time, after the initial hard work and cleanse when you begin to forget exactly why you had to stop eating gluten to begin with, the time when the temptation becomes a real problem.

This is an exact metaphor for the way that my entire life operates.

And I’m fairly certain I never quite understood it so starkly before. There are many, many facets to my Danger Zone. In fact, I’m fairly certain I am dead smack in the middle of a Danger Zone as we speak. Shhh. But I didn’t know I was in a Danger Zone, I just thought that I was lazy and I was feeling badly.

I’m getting ahead of myself.  I’ll start at the beginning. I have been feeling really fantastic lately. I’ve been doing the Couch to 5k program dutifully, three times a week. I’ve been eating food that nourish me and make me feel good, and I’ve been working really hard to eat in moderation, leaving myself satisfied, but not uncomfortably full. Thus, I feel great. My clothes fit happily. I am feeling more like myself. I have more energy. In other words, I’m really excited.

In other words: Danger Zone.

I am sorry to admit to you guys that this week I have been slacking on my running. My knees were really hurting during my last two runs last week, so I decided to take a small break this week and repeat Week Three’s workouts in an attempt to cut my body a little bit of a break. I thought I was being lazy, but I’ve realized that I’m not just lazy – I am resting on my laurels – and that this is a bit of a pattern for me. Suddenly, I am realizing that I can identify this pattern smattered all of over my life. My yo-yo dieting style. My infrequent and unbalanced workouts. My relationship with my body. I have been manically moving through my life, either high on endorphins and good feelings because I’m taking care of myself, or low low low because I’m not giving my body what it needs.

The cycle is this:

1. Nurse body back to heath, feeding it properly, moving regularly, not eating an excess of wheat. This process is slow, requiring at least a two week detoxification period before the real work can even begin. Drinking lots of water.
2. Then: I feel awesome. I am hydrated and sexy and pulled together. My clothes fit. I am making progress in my workouts and am starting to be really proud of where I’ve gotten. I can RUN! I’m so FLEXIBLE! I feel attractive. I am cured of all of my food allergy related paranoia neediness and insanity, and thus, my relationship is flourishing.
3. And then? I feel so fantastic, I stop making my health and wellbeing a priority. I feel great that I want to be out feeling great and doing things. I feel like socializing, so I start drinking a little bit more and going out at night. I feel a little bit more like dancing, so I do, and then I’m effing exhausted the next day, barely surviving on four hours of sleep.
4. The downfall: Please read Compulsive Eating: Situations and Solutions, and just go down the list checking yes, yes, yes, YES. Drunk -> need pizza. Hungover -> need fried food. Exhausted -> no running today, I’ll go tomorrow. Tomorrow -> I’m too busy today, it will have to wait. So on and so forth UNTIL, I run by body so deeply into the ground I begin with Step One.

So here we are. Now that I have identified this cycle and laid it out for you so bluntly, I can tell you: I don’t really feel like existing in it anymore. I want more. I want to feel good and then – GASP – keep feeling good. Just this once. What if?

What if, this time, I kept running? Kept eating healthy? What if I decided I wanted to continue to feel awesome instead of using it as an excuse to get out of doing the work that allows me to keep feeling this way? What if I chose to make these actions into habits? What might happen then?

What if I actually learned to how run? What if I set a ludicrous running goal like wanting to do a half marathon and followed through on it?

What if I stopped eating wheat permanently? What if I put in the extra effort to create myself gluten-free meals that were so delicious I didn’t even miss the foods that make me feel so sick?

What if I really, honestly, actually, without a million excuses: made taking care of myself a priority?

I’m willing to bet I won’t regret it.

xox.

Tagged as: compulsive eating, eating, exercise, healthy living, intuitive eating, running, what if, what if wednesday