why I blog

I read this post on MizFit(love her)’s blog several days ago entitled First Person Fridays: Why Do You Blog? and THEN several days later I read A Merry Life(also love her)’s post entitled Feeling Like Myself about why she blogs and THEN fast forward to today, when I watched Julie and Julia, which I freaking adored, and all of the inspiring mini-moments compelled me to write a post about why I blog. 

In short, I blog because, as I described in the post how to manifest your dream life, this space that I have created for myself is the daily small step that I take towards having the life of my dreams. Because, in my dreams, I’m not driving a cab or serving a pizza or pouring a glass of wine (though I find absolutely nothing wrong with doing so). In my dreams, I’m moving quickly, having new ideas which have an impact on other people. In my dreams, I am able to help people because my words and ideas resonate with them and they find a kindred spirit in me. 

I write here, because it keeps me honest with myself. I feel like often weight loss blogs say that type of thing, that blogging keeps them accountable, and I feel exactly the same way, except its not about losing weight. It is important for me to hold myself accountable as I progress towards improved body image and self esteem and confidence and a myriad of other things. It used to be that I was operating at such a deficit when it came to these matters that I was practically a non-functioning human being. Yes I walked around and talked to you and got straight A’s and dated people. I got tan and I went running and generally moved from point A to point B without much trouble whatsoever. But I was non-functioning. 

I know this because I remember very little of my life before about two(ish) years ago, as if memories before that moment are fuzzy like a movie I watched once staring someone that I liked but I can’t quite remember the specifics. The point is: I was putting of my life until I was thin. Or better. Or prettier. Or smarter. Or funnier. Or sexier. Or or or or or. I would make plan upon plan upon plan upon plan. I would stay up all night knowing that THIS time would be different, THIS time it would stick. 

I held my breath until I was nearly twenty-three years old.

And then one day I just stopped. I told myself that every person could have the exact life that they really wanted – if they wanted it. I hadn’t really been wanting it. I had wanted to use my weight and my body and my feelings about it as a crutch upon which to hinge my disappointments and perceived failures. But secretly I was terrified most of exceeding my wildest expectations. I was terrified of what happened when I stopped being that fat girl. I was terrified of what would happen if I lived up to all of my best potential. 

This blog represents my best potential. 

It represents the beginning of the shift in my thinking, from victim who let the world pass her by to a person moving with poise and precision in the direction of her dreams. It represents a way in which, however small, I can reach out to people. Recovery from a damaged body image/self perception moves at a different pace for everyone, but the concept is a constant re-patterning of our brain’s responses and personal reactions to situations that the heart finds particularly sensitive. For me, it isn’t about reaching any sort of tangible goal, but rather improving my quality of life, strengthening my mind/body connection, and making the space in my head a safer and more stable place for me to inhabit.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I have anything figured out, because I am perfectly aware that I don’t have all the answers. But I can recount my experiences wading through all of the muck in the attempt to love myself more, little by little, day by day. I am writing the lessons that I needed to read at one point or another. For me, these lessons aren’t optional. At some point a they became mandatory if I was going to take control of my life and stop letting my environment and past disappointments, relationships, experiences, or trauma dictate the way I related to my body, myself, or the world in which I live in. 

I blog because it is my way to reach out to you in the only way I know how. 

And I really appreciate your interest.

Tagged as: blogging, body image, inspiration, life, manifesting, writing