body loving blogosphere 02.07.10

February 7th, 2010 · body loving blogosphere

Hello hello hello marzipanlings.

Perhaps you are watching the superbowl. Perhaps not. I chose a kick-ass rack of lamb dinner and brie mashed potatoes and a pending viewing of The Godfather, but it is no secret that I love football and all the absurdities that surround superbowl sunday, starting with but NOT limited to constructing cakes into the shape of a football and eating potato skins.

I have also relocated, after the long drive south to my ultimate destination of Vieques, Puerto Rico, so my bratty little Sunday looked a little like this:

Totally awesome. And to be fair, it is due, mostly, to C’s insistence. I was all hunkered down to spend my winter in the blustery Northeast, and even bought new boots with which to combat the snow! This is also why my posting has been a bit spotty this week, though it has all been taken care of and we are now back on schedule! And with that, I bring you the newest body loving blogosphere:

  • And last, but certainly not least, Miss Gala Darling has declared February RADICAL SELF LOVE month, which comes at a perfect time and I am totally excited to take part in. You should absolutely check this out ASAP.

I wish you the best possible week.

xo.

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ask marzipan: the virginity issue

February 6th, 2010 · control, fear, love, relationships, sex, sex positive culture

Dear Marzipan,

I’m about to become a 25 year old virgin who has never been in a real relationship.  And I feel like the biggest failure.  Sex isn’t something I take casually because I’m a very vulnerable person (aren’t we all at the core?). Having never been in a relationship makes me feel unlovable/ugly/dumb/fill-in-the-blank-internal insult.  How can I not feel like a freak when everyone around me is getting married and having babies and I can’t even find someone who is willing to hold my hand? I can only say to myself “it will happen eventually” so many times before it sounds like a joke in my head.

This past year I fell really hard for someone I lived with, worked up enough courage tell him how I felt, only to be told I was more like a sister.  So I’ve been wallowing in this heartbreak since June and I need to be slapped or doused in cold water or electrocuted (perhaps I’m being a bit dramatic). Or maybe I just need a feminist hug. How can I hold onto any body confidence when it feels like no one is interested?

Dear friend,

You are in need of a feminist hug.  In response to the first issue [the virginity issue]: I’m finding more and more that this is really common.  It may seem like everyone around you is coupling up or hooking up or getting hitched, but the reality is there are many people who wait until they meet the right person to have sex for the first time. It may seem depressing or scary, but the reality is that it WILL happen – I won’t say eventually because it seems disparaging and I do not want you to feel depressed about this.

As someone who chose not to wait and considered her virginity an obstacle to overcome, I cannot tell you how romantic and healthy it sounds to take sex seriously.  Sex is serious. And yes, we are all vulnerable. And as vulnerable people, it is my honest opinion that we do more harm than good by rushing into compromising sexual encounters.  I do not think that sharing your body with another person is something to be taken lightly, even if it seems like everyone around you is doing it with reckless abandon.  All of that shit that people say, you know, that sex is a trillion times better when you have a partner whom you love and respect – is true. This is not to say that you can’t have a fantastic time having sex with a one-night stand, because you can. But some people don’t have the vulnerabilities that you or I do, and for those people this type of sexual activity can be carefree and fun.  For me, it was always stressful because in those inherently close situations I sought to create romance and intimacy where there was none, leaving me disillusioned and heartbroken after the fact. Not fun.

As for the roommate: I am so sorry that happened to you! Heartbreak is never easy, whether you become romantically involved with the object of your affection or adore them from afar. Or, in your case, from close up as this person lived in close proximity to you.  I will say this, you are incredibly brave for having the guts to tell that person how you felt! That is something that can be beyond scary to do, and the mere fact that you were able to do it makes me all the more positive that you are going to be just fine.

Re: holding onto body confidence.  I have the distinct pleasure of actually knowing you, and thus I also have the ability to tell you with utter confidence: you are a phenomenal person. Not only are you physically beautiful and have a personal style that I always loved, but you are super intelligent, funny, and a great friend.  You are not in the LEAST bit unlovable/ugly/dumb/stop telling yourself mean things.  You are fantastic!! And I absolutely guarantee, without a shadow of a doubt, that someone will scoop you off your feet and hold your hand and so much more.   The reality is, we all move at different rates, and what is good for some other people might just not work for you.  That’s perfectly fine!

If I were you, what I would do [because I just manifest madly for anything and everything that I desire] is to compile a list of the traits/experiences/emotions that you are looking for in a potential partner – someone with whom you will be able to share more than just sex.  Someone you can let your guard down and cozy up next to.  And someone trustworthy with whom you can feel safe doing so.  I would write all of those things down, and I would read it to myself often, put it under my mattress, have a ritual for bring abundance [these things really do work].  Generally speaking you are asking for what you are looking for from the universe and trusting that door will open for you.  Maybe say a little prayer too that all the little locks that this recent heartbreak has put in your heart will magically unlock so that you will be able to recognize these new experiences when they come your way.

And above all else – please – do not give up hope or stop loving yourself. Be patient. It WILL all work out.

Xoxo

marzipan

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prescribing celibacy

February 3rd, 2010 · control, love, queer, relationships, sex, sex positive culture

When I was fourteen I became sexually active. Then, my desire for sexual intimacy spawned out of my perpetual need for personal validation. I was fat. I was scared. And the role models that I most aspired to be were those who were charismatic and provacative, with anyone and everyone falling at their feet. I longed to be a good flirt, to tease without requiste follow through, for someone to love me publically. Unfortunately, these were the exact opposite of the sexual experiences I encountered. It was as if boys recognized the pain and eager need to please that was always so near the surface. I could not say no, so I said yes too many times to too many pairs of hands that handled me roughly before casting me aside, or groped me fervently but always secretly. My fear and deep need for love quickly translated into shame. I felt validated when someone wanted to hook up with me, and hopeful, only to the feel abandoned and lost again when they moved on. I was easy.

I was nineteen when I stopped having sex. After an experience rocked me so deeply that I could not procede on that path. This experience was one that was unintentional, I had not said no – I never said no, but one that broke my heart out of sadness over the state of my personal psyche. I was so hurt and confused at my reckless behavior and seemingly chronic lack of regard for my safety that I told myself enough was enough.

I told myself that if I was not mature or self loving enough to make good sexual decisons, I could not have sex. So I stopped, for nearly a year and a half, and during that time I worked on saying no. I worked on improving my self value. I told myself a million times a day that I was beautiful and worthy and worth loving. I also told myself that I was special and that I deserved the right to say no if I wanted to, because I was worth pursuing.

It seems to me that these are things that we often forget. I get very nervous when I’m watching teenage girls walk around in our oversexed culture and wonder what their concept of self is. I remember after the first time I had ever hooked up with a guy and I was very young and very needy and I gave without reciprocation. The next day a good friend of mine, a boy, asked me why I let him do that, why I had no regard for my own sexual satisfaction. The reality was that concept had never even entered my mind.

In the interest of creating a sex positive culture, where both boys and girls are valued and nourished and safe from harm, these types of conversations need to be had. In an interest in becoming sexually competent and happy adults, the stigma and fear about talking about these issues needs to be addressed and vanquished through conversation. Everyday on tv or in music lyrics or in print media we see people (thin, beautiful people) having sex. We see people using sex to gain social acceptance and value. We don’t see the fear and anxiety and hurt that happens behind closed doors.

I was afraid of true intimacy because in my heart I didn’t think I deserved it, sometimes I still struggle with believing I deserve it, and often reminding myself of it is a very conscious act. But we all need to remember that if they were being honest more people feel this way than you’d imagine. Also that we are soft and vulnerable at the core and ultimately it is our job to protect the beautiful and magical and imaginative parts of our hearts. We need to be courageous enough to say no if we want to, and when to quit if we aren’t yet ready to do that.

Stay tuned for several sex related Ask Marzipans this week, and, always, if you have a question, sexy or not, email me at medicinalmarzipan @ gmail . com.

Xox.

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body loving blogsphere 01.31.10

January 30th, 2010 · body loving blogosphere

So. Last we talked about this never-have-I-ever proposition, I was curing my anxiety one day at a time by engaging in new and exciting adventures daily. Since I last posted about it I have: visited little bestie @shoeshine in Lakeland(!!!!), toured a newspaper office including getting to watch the newspapers being printed by the huge machines and robots carrying them around, went to a HILARIOUS Lakeland gay bar that was playing Lady Gaga and shoop, walked through a wildlife reserveand saw aligators and a bobcat, saw manotrix in concert when they took the show on the road running with their instruments on their backs down the street to the front of the fire station, and so much more! Oy. I’ve been busy!

But I am here to report, this project has been very successful! Where I was once filled with stress and anxiety and unable to sleep, I am now relatively calm. I have also slowed down my wheat and diet coke consumption considerably, the first I’m allergic to and the second makes me crazy and dehydrated. I have also finally made a couple of major life decisions, and turns out, decision-making breeds calm (blog post pending, re: the dangers of being a perpetual people pleaser).

Anywho. Things are moving quickly and I have a headache, so without further adieu – this week’s best-of-the-best posts from the blogosphere:

Have you read anything great this week?

Have a FANTASTIC week!

xox.

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marzipan origins

January 29th, 2010 · activities, food

SO. It has come to my attention that some of you don’t know what marzipan is… CAN THAT BE TRUE?  And, if you don’t know what marzipan is, you probably have no idea why in hell this blog is named Medicinal Marzipan. Also, it has come to my attention that I missed (!!!) national Marzipan Day, which was January 12th.  I feel like the worst blog mommy.

What is marzipan?

Marzipan is a confection of crushed almonds or almond paste, sugar, and egg whites that is can be shaped into near about anything. It is delicious. When I was a child, we would travel to Germany often to visit my father’s family, and our absolute favorite thing in the world was to take the bus into the city and go to Cafe Kleimann (in picture) and buy a million marzipan figurines to bring back to the states. I first fell in love with marzipan and this Cafe  because when you walk under these arches you peer into the windows and in the huge glass windows resides an entire marzipan kingdom! I will attest that this cafe makes the most lush and delicious and beautiful and realistic marzipan that I have ever seen. Example:

As I already specified, marzipan can be shaped into all manner of objects. This entire post came about when found myself upon the Dean and Deluca website looking at their Valentine’s day offerings and I found THESE adorable marzipan couples, the idea being that they are giving away their hearts.  And, man, am I a sucker for Valentine’s Day.

After I found that, I decided that it would be an excellent use of time to find you some other prime marzipan examples, and I came upon Rebecca Russell’s marzipan wedding toppers. And kill me they are cute.

Why Medicinal Marzipan?
There are two reasons why I named this blog the way that I did. The first is that Mara is not a name that often allows for many nicknames, and I was surprised and elated when my first college roommate started calling me Marzipan. Though it wasn’t quite a nickname, because of my affinity for the delicious malleable confection of my childhood, I LOVED it. And it stuck. And so that became my internet persona, the best possible version of myself, and “medicinal” because of my hope for this blog to be helpful, inspiring, and even curing.  The second reason is that this blog represents my personal pledge to learn and work, every day, on loving myself just a little bit more than the day before.  This can include a wide ranging topic depending on what issues are coming up in my life at the time and can touch upon anything and everything from body image to checking your boyfriend’s email to taking better care of your skin to developing a better credit score, and ultimately, because it is my personal nemesis, disordered eating. This blog is called Medicinal Marzipan because it represents the change in my relationship with food, from compulsory to fun, delicious, and filled with joy.
So, happy belated national marzipan day…. I am off to busy myself manifesting a perfect little marzipan home for C and I to live in for the next coupla months.
xoxo.

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